Commitment of a Dad to the Dad

I want to dedicate this day to my Dad whom I really do not remember much, but miss a lot. I was about four years of age when my father died. I remember people taking my dad to cemetery. But I used to think that they took him there because he was sick. I come from a family of Hindu customs. They took my father on a carriage to a river to burn his body so that his soul could travel to heaven. I remember lots of people gathering on our house. I was just playing. I see my mother and brothers crying. I also cried but not knowing for what. I probably was playing and crying at the same time. I know this may sound strange but I was ignorant of death. I was just small or you can say just born. I had dreams to live; ignored to learn about death or nobody thought I need to learn about death at that age because I was just learning to live. I sometime remember very little of him.

Our house was in a very remote village in Nepal. My father never had chance to take a photo and leave a memory for us so that we can see him often and often. I regret that he could not do that. There was no face book, so he could not open a face book or twitter account which we take for granted these days. He even did not know the world of analog, so of course he even did not think about the digital world.  But whatever I remember about him are very precious moments. This gives me energy to look through my inner eyes so that I can focus on his face and whatever he used to do.

Dad, it is a very loving and special word for me. I grew without the feeling of it. I lost my father when I was about to feel it. So, sometime I get jealous with people who have their Dad. I could not feel how he would treat me. How would he grow me? Because parents are the gardener. I do not know how would he correct me when I committed any mistakes? Who would he choose for me to marry? What he would have wanted me to be? Ohhh Dad, I miss you. I miss you as a whole. I missed you on my life. I have been living a scavenger’s life without you. I know I would have been way better with your guidance and love. I would have got better confidence thinking that there were always you to guide me or correct me even if I did anything wrong. I do not know what to tell to you but I have a big complaint with god that I had to lose my father and mother in very early age when I even could not feel their love and care to me.

Today, I am a father to a daughter who is about to be four years of age. She is very playful. She is very active, fast learner. She is not even four years of age but she has seen and achieved a lot. She has travelled in more than three countries including United States and India which my Dad even did not do in his entire life. She can use digital cameras, play YouTube in internet, and find games that she wants to play, find people in face book. She sits on the back of my car and tells me the traffic rules. She asks me questions such as why people need to earn money? Cannot you and Mom stay home?  I was away from her for almost about three years, which I regret. But now we are together and I do not want to miss her a second. She is unbelievably charming. Dad, I tell you that I will try to give my love to her even though I do not have any firsthand experience of how you took care of me. I will imagine you behind me and telling me what is right thing to do. I have done that throughout my life, whenever I am confused in any situation; I have remembered you and mom and made the decision. Most of those decisions have been turned out to be fruitful. I hope you and mom will stay with me in this mission of being a good Dad to my little Princess daughter.  I hope god will help us in this mission, has helped us so far.